This is about shopping for toilets.

This is about shopping for toilets.

I just bought one, mere minutes ago. It's white. It looks perfectly fine. Functional. And this is what one looks for in a toilet, I would venture to guess.

It's something of a glum exercise, toilet shopping- a perfunctory necessity of our biorhythms. Somewhere between breathing air and buying a blender. No luxury, this. At root, we’re really looking for something we find aesthetically pleasing, so pleasing in fact, we deem it worth of being…pooped upon.

They (toilets) come in myriad colors, tank types and bowl shapes. Well, two bowl shapes that I could discern. Round and elongated.

No square, though. Odd. Now THERE'S a toilet I could get excited about.

All said, perhaps we select toilets as singular representations of our social strata. To the untrained eye, for example, a three-hundred-dollar toilet and a sixty-dollar-toilet look basically the same. The only reason to spend $300 on a toilet then, is because one CAN. If I feel like I’m the type of guy who should possess such an extravagance, then possess it I shall.

We poop upon that which befits us.

I bought a $60 toilet.