A friend of mine, we’ll call him “Mick Hommarito” for anonymity’s sake, recently proposed to his girlfriend. The touching story surrounding Mick and his lady’s foray into wedded bliss inspired me to, well, this:
Cheers to Mick and his Bride-To-Be.
Five Bad Ways To Propose Marriage.
ONE- Arrange for a friend to telephone you one evening, then:
(rrring)
"Hello?"
"No, it…it can’t be. Yes. She’s right here. I’ll get her."
(to future spouse)
"Sweetheart, it’s your Mom. She’s dead."
(tape ring to receiver…watch her surprise!)
TWO- Feed the ring to a carp in the river. Then order carp at every restaurant you go to, as often as possible. It may take awhile to get the ring-fish but imagine her surprise! Besides, carp is awesome.
THREE- Eat the ring. Then don’t flush. Zing!
FOUR- Arrange to have her bitten by a rabid dog. Then, when she’s bedridden and weak from the side-effects of the 40-or-so shots she’ll have to get, spring the proposal on her. Boo-ya! It was a setup! If a rabid dog is difficult to procure, remember, lots of badgers, squirrels, raccoons and some hobos are rabid.
FIVE- Tell her you already have a wife or two, and that bigamy is one of the core tenets of your cult’s teachings. Ooooh. Looks like someone's jealous!
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