Thank you for your interest in my abilities as an Animal Psychic!
How did I know you were interested? Not with the aid of my psychic powers, that’s for sure. They only allow me to read the minds of animals. And yes, I’m aware that humans are animals, too, however my gift only applies to animals that cannot talk, i.e. non-humans.
What’s that you say? Babies cannot talk but are most likely human? You are correct, but almost all babies will talk as they get older. That counts. Although I usually know what babies are thinking, it is not because I can read babies’ minds. It’s because they are babies, and they think like animals. In fact, if you had a dog and a baby in the same room and were able to read the minds of both, I bet their thoughts would be virtually identical. I want to poop. I want to nurse. I’m itchy. It’s fascinating and true.
Let me just say this to save you some trouble- parrots do not talk, they mimic, so I have no problem getting inside a parrot’s head. It should also be noted that as a true Animal Psychic, my extrasensory perception applies to all forms of great apes, including chimpanzees. Chimps are believed to share 96% of their DNA with human beings. Somewhere in the leftover 4% (the pure chimp DNA) could be the key to all my powers! Monkeys might know all my secrets! They’ll never tell, though. I know, because I am an Animal Psychic.
No, I knew you were interested because I guessed.
