I therefore posit my most innovationalistic concept at the forefront of this New Year. A bit of back-story: Recently, the Missus and I were dining on Sushi in the Breadbasket of America. It was then that it dawned on us. This act, the act of consuming sushi, was nothing short of Pinko. We were eating crow. Not literally (though crows are good eatin'), but we definitely felt that a need existed. A need we could fill. A need we must fill. When I dabbed at my mouth, I felt as if I were doing so with a burning flag. We needed to Americanize this "sushi" stuff.
Ladies and Gentlemen, with the assistance of my partner in matrimony, I give you Sooshi!©
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Sushi. Yuppies love it. But let's face it, fellow Americans. Raw fish is disgusting! Not to mention it's probably foreign. Why nosh on something devised by flinty-eyed foreigners in shady corners of the globe? Why not allow the average, red-white and true-blue American to eat something he can be proud of? I tell you what, if you eat sushi, then the terrorists and yuppies have won. Sooshi!© is how we're gonna git-er-done and beat the commies at their own game. Chew on this, Osama!
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Sushi. Yuppies love it. But let's face it, fellow Americans. Raw fish is disgusting! Not to mention it's probably foreign. Why nosh on something devised by flinty-eyed foreigners in shady corners of the globe? Why not allow the average, red-white and true-blue American to eat something he can be proud of? I tell you what, if you eat sushi, then the terrorists and yuppies have won. Sooshi!© is how we're gonna git-er-done and beat the commies at their own game. Chew on this, Osama!
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Sooshi!©
"Sushi From America's Heartland"
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ROLLS (Food rolled into a log and cut up like a nightcrawler)
THE BASSMASTER ROLL
Largemouth bass, Smallmouth bass, Tadpole
THE PICNIC ROLL
Corn dog, Creamy potato salad, Pork n' beans
THE TAILGATE ROLL
Slim Jim, Footlong, 9 beers
THE SPORTSMAN
Deer, Crappie, Elk jerky
THE "RONI" ROLL
Beefaroni, Rice-a-roni, bologna
THE "THESE COLORS DON'T RUN" ROLL
Red lil' smokies, White mayo, Blue raspberry Faygo
THE W.W.F. ROLL
Whitetail deer, Walleye, Fritos, served in an American flag bandana
THE CAMARO
Chef's choice
THE RAINBOW ROLL
Rainbow trout, marshmallow fluff, hot fries
THE NASCAR ROLL
Nachos, Applejacks, Slaw, Coon, Ranch dressing
THE "GIT 'ER DONE" ROLL
Mac n' cheese, Ham salad, Crystal meth
THE "BIG N' RICH" ROLL (recommended!)
Fish sticks, Ho-hos, Bacos, 3-bean salad, Flamin' Hot Cheetos, Corn Nuts, Pop Tarts, Country gravy, 3 scoops of Chubby Hubby, topped with sparklers
Bon Appetit. Or as we say in my country "chow down, pilgrim"
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