I.
A man walks into a bar with a chimp perched on his shoulder.
The chimp asks the bartender for a beer.
The bartender doesn’t flinch; he asks the chimp what specific beer he’d like to drink.
The chimp asks to see a beer list.
The bartender explains that they sent all of the beer lists off to a local printer for lamination and as luck would have it, through some sort of organizational mishap the lists were lost and never returned.
The chimp relates a similar story in which he sent his memoirs to a typist for transcription and the typist deemed them illegible.
The bartender fails to see the correlation.
II.
A priest and a rabbi are rowing across a large body of water in a canoe.
The priest asks if the rabbi if the water is safe for drinking.
The rabbi fails to hear him as he’s thinking about something he saw on television last night.
It was an infomercial about cordless electric hedge clippers.
Maybe they were battery-operated or even solar; the point is- no cords.
The rabbi snaps back to reality and says “I’m sorry, what?”
The priest forgets what he asked initially.
The rabbi realizes that he has no hedges anyway.
III.
Q: How many hamsters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Hundreds of thousands, probably. They’re pretty small and have no opposable thumbs.
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