Indecisive Recipes, Vol.I: Jumbo Gulf Shrimp (Or Not) Boiled In Provencal Hops If You Want To

The complex flavors of this kinda-refined dish will perhaps be the talk of your meal. You never know.

INGREDIENTS:

• 3 bottles of imported beer. It can be non-imported beer if you want. As long as it's beer. But whatever.
• 1 head garlic split across. Substitute a tablespoon of jar garlic if you're not sure if you have a head of garlic. Maybe you should check first?
• 1 calabrese pepper or mild-ish pepper. It depends how you define “mild.” That’s a “you” decision.
• 1 tablespoon anise seed if you feel like it.
• 2 tablespoons lemon zest or whatever lemony-type zest is available to you. I’m not sure what to do if you have no citrus zest. I’d probably ask a cook friend what to do. That’s all I have here. Sorry. No cook friends? Me neither. (Sigh)
• .5 ounce hops which are pretty hard to find so whatever.
• 24 ounces water. I KNOW you have water, right? I mean I think I know. You do, don’t you? If I’m making assumptions, I apologize.
• 4 sprigs rosemary. See fennel (below). Or disregard if you want to. Wait…I think it was rosemary. That’s an herb. I’m like 60% on that, for sure, pretty much.
• 4 sprigs fresh mint. See fennel or rosemary. Your call.
• 1 head chopped fennel or fennel-like herb or plant. Something fennel-ish if you're up for it.
• 16 jumbo shrimp or really big shrimp but somewhat large is fine if that's all you have- your call. And use less if you want to. Or more.

METHOD:

Place all ingredients except shrimp in a pot and bring to a boil. That should take some time in all likelihood, but who knows? Once boiling, add shrimp and cook through. I think when the shrimp are pink that indicates they’re cooked through. You’d probably have to break one open and see. Maybe it was white that meant cooked. Anyway, I’m unclear on this so I defer to you or a cookbook. Depending on the size of the shrimp this should be 4 or 5 minutes. Or a few more minutes. Or less if you're in a hurry. In that case maybe you shouldn't have started cooking. Right? No? Hell, I dunno. Spoon shrimp and some of the boil into bowl. Not a ton. Pick the amount you want to spoon. Or ladle. Is a ladle a spoon? I think so. I'm pretty sure it is, but you're the boss. Or chef. Or amateur chef. Cook. Whatever. Listen, this is pretty intense for me right now, so I’m going to go lay down and nod off. Maybe. Close my eyes. Or read for awhile. Maybe I’ll see you later-ish?