Brainstorming.
Let's face it, the term "brainstorming" is stale. It smells like so much fetid smelt. It is overused, overexposed and, well, over. Brainstorming needs an overhaul, a reintroduction into the American lexicon, a coming-out party to trumpet its rebirth. I took her down to the studs. I've gussied it up with some pancake, a string of pearls, new stainless appliances and, yes, a series of new names. Thusly, Volume I:
WITSQUALLING
Salty. Sea-bitten. Pirate-y. Thar she blows.
THINKBOXING
Vaguely sporty, like that Spice Girl who wore track pants.
RATIOCINATIONIZING
Rolls off the tongue like a mouthful of rice pudding.
BRAIN-NADO
A new brain-and-tomato-flavored beverage from the minds behind Clamato? A convenience-store's slushie version of an electrolyte-rich energy drink? The favorite move of intelligent Extreme-Fighting Champion Chuck "The Genius" Pullio? No, no and no.
HEADWORKING
Ew.
BISCUIT NOR'WESTERING
Chowdery.
THINTANKERIN'
This is what that geriatric hillbilly bellowed before he kicked down the conference room door and gave all your asses a country whoopin'. You though for a second it was Connie coming down the hall with lunch for the Team, but you were sorely mistaken. After all, she ordered like 45 minutes ago. A turkey club, hold the mayo and some of those salt-n-vinegar chips would sure have hit the spot after 3 straight hours of ideation on the Morris Project. And when the company pays, lunch tastes all the sweeter, "sweeter" being an odd description for a meal that is, by all accounts, salty.
But no. Ass whoopin'.
CEREBLOWING
Eerily accurate.
GRAYGALING
The noise those small, inconsequential birds make just before dawn? No.
BELFRYBOILING
Quaint. Yet crass. Like an adorable grandmother in a soda commercial.
WIGSPEWING
They opened up for Hatebreed. Bassist used to be in Breaking Benjamin. You know that song they play on The Ace (WACE)? I think it's called "You Beat Me Down" or "Bring Me Down" or "You Let Me Down"...something with "down"...no, not the one with the rapping. That's the band with the mean clowns. No, they have, like, frowns painted on instead of smiles and wear brass knuckles and they swear a lot. No, not on The Ace. That's profanity-free broadcasting. They won't even play songs that say "dang" without bleeping it because that's like the Southern version of "damn"...
Yeah, Wigspewing sucks.
CONCLUSION:
I suppose that, in hindsight, "brainstorming" isn't so bad...
No. It's bad.
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