shoeshine?

...so every once in a great while, I submit something somewhere to see if someone would like to print it. Or something.

These rare-ish occurrences are often followed by notes of rejection from the aforementioned "somewheres". These tender missives render the content I deemed worthy flaccid and malodorous like a cod left out to dry on the hood of a Trans Am. Discarded little scamps. They are the unwanted grease-smudged bootblacks offering shines for a shilling on the mean streets of my brain. Listen...you can hear them chaunting...

Shine yer boots for a kennuck, mandrake? Aw, help a poor chivvey from the monkery! Spare a billy? A finny? A deener? A scran to eat?

Oh wait, that's the copy machine. If I only had a shilling for every time that wily machine has fooled me.

So I'm left with glistening jewels of "no thank you" that would look quite becoming when hung just so right about here, don't you think? I love the way the light catches them. I think Ronald Reagan was an orphan. No?

So like I was saying...

Other Monster-Themed Breakfast Cereals.

Poltergrape
Bran Stoker
Honey Nut Hobgoblin
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Raisins
Golemon-Lime
Apple-rition
Krispie Kraken
Vanilla Yeti
Cinnamothra
Loch Ness Muesli
Sugar Succubus
Fiber One