Janice Gets A Shot

"Hi, um....Janice" the nurse said, consulting her clipboard.

"Hi" I said. "I'm here for my Swine Flu cure."

The nurse laughed. "Oh, it's not a cure. It's a vaccine. No guarantees."

She tied a long rubber band-type thing around my forearm and prepped a needle.

"Of course, it might cure some of this paranoia that's been going around" she joked. "That's something, right?"

"Yeah sure whatever," I said. "Just do it. Stick me. I'm at huge risk for swine flu. I love pigs. I grew up with them on a farm, so I was in constant contact with pigs. Oh, we didn't raise the pigs for food. No way. I could never kill a defenseless pig on purpose. They can't use weapons hardly at all. Our pigs were more like family or pets. I killed lots of them on accident, of course. They can't wear a seatbelt, so, most of the time the pigs shared some of the blame. Is that my shot?"

The nurse nodded absent-mindedly as she used the syringe to withdraw clear fluid from a small bottle.

"Keep going. More. MmmmHmmm. Oh yeah, a big one. Give me a double dose. I AM pretty fat" I said, trying not to shout.

"I was just thinking that" the nurse said. "But we have a limited number of vaccines and there are lots of people left on my list."

I thought about what she said later that afternoon when I was eating a pie in my car. Nurses think they're so cool. She was probably saving all those vaccines for herself.